Tuesday, February 3, 2009

One Person Requests BSL in Florence Co, SC

Dear Hand of Fate,

Please don't let me end up being a crackpot old lady who shakes her cane at the town council, whining things like, "There outta be a law!" while dragging my pantyhose around my ankles and pinning together the neckline of my chicken print dress because the top button just isn't high enough for me. Not that I know anyone like that. I'm just sayin'.

Ernestine Haselden, who lives on Railroad Avenue, said the person who lives behind her has four or five “pit bull-type dogs” who charge at her fence “just as hard as they can to get to me.”

She asked council members to consider an ordinance that would ban pit bull-type dogs as well as any other breeds they see fit. She said that if any pets are grandfathered in, the owners should have to hold a $100,000 liability insurance policy on the animals.

Most people living around her are elderly, she said.

“We should be able to live our last years in some sort of peace and tranquility in our own yards, not bothering anybody else,” she said.

Where to begin. OK, in whose judgment are these "four or five" dogs deemed pitbull types? (Sub-question: What is a pitbull type dog?) Can you please describe exactly what you mean when you say they are charging the fence and how is it you've determined they are trying to "get to" you? Could it possibly be that these dogs are just saying hello or even welcoming you home? Or perhaps they are guarding their property perimeter and warning you to stay out of their yard? (btw, they used to have a name for those type of dogs - I think they called them GOOD.)

Moving right along, why ask the town council to ban the entire, albeit unspecified, breed? Are these 4 or 5 dogs representative of some conspiracy? Do you think their brethren might be out there somewhere, perhaps in their own fenced yards, working on The Master Plan? And since we're banning indiscriminatorily, I guess we might as well throw in "any other breeds they see fit". I mean heck, why not, you don't want to have to break out the Banning Wand twice in one lifetime.

I got bit by a dog when I was a kid. It was a white German Shepherd - or maybe I should say "German Shepherd
type" (I wanna show the council that I'm hip to crackpot old lady lingo). So obviously all those Shepherd types should be banned. My high school friend's dog always barked at me when I came over to visit. She was a mixed breed. We should prolly ban those types too. There were three Pomeranian types who used to chase me and grab onto my pants legs when I lived in a duplex. Ban. Oh and there's a big dog who gives me a funny look when I drive past him every morning on the way to work. I don't know what kind he is but let's add him to the list. Because I really think that I should be able to drive to work in some kind of peace which obviously I can not achieve with some dog looking at me every morning.

This has got me thinking: Maybe we should ban the
owners of these type dogs too. What right does anyone have to keep a pet in their own fenced yard when that dog is free to give me any old look it pleases just because I happen to pass by on my morning commute? This nonsense has got to stop! There outta be a law!

Town of Scranton, SC:
Address: 1818 US Highway 52
P. O. Box 279
Scranton, SC 29591
Telephone: 843-389-2222
Fax: 843-389-0636

Scranton's elected officials:
Mayor Pro Tem Thomas Knotts and Council Members

Florence County Council Chairman K.G. “Rusty” Smith:
Phone: 843-210-7368

Address: P. O. Box 369, Lake City, SC 29560

If you are a resident of Florence County and you want to appear before the council, ya hafta ask in advance:

The written request should be sent to Connie Y. Haselden, Clerk to County Council, 180 N. Irby St., MSC-G, Florence, SC 29501. The request can also be emailed to clerktocouncil@florenceco.org or faxed to (843) 665-3042.

By gosh by golly - that last name looks familiar...

Seriously folks, I don't know a single soul involved in these shenanigans but this good ol' boy Southern tradition thang ain't funny. We're not backwards people here in South Carolina. Most of us are normal, compassionate folks who love pets and love our property rights. Most of us don't harass our neighbors or threaten them with the Law of Nepotism. We just never seem to make the national news. Now's our chance. Let's answer one person's request for a bad law that has been proven not to work with some polite and respectful voices of reason.


Caveat said...

Bitten twice.

St Bernard at age 2.5 at a bench show. Ban their asses.

Wiener Dog, age 5, sitting on a dock. Own one now, all part of my lifelong quest for revenge. But ban their asses anyway. Except for mine. Well, maybe mine too.

How about those town clerky types? That 'breed' seems to be displaying inherently aggressive behaviour towards citizens these days. Ban their asses.

'Cause like, you know, we don't have any bylaws about containment or threatening behaviour or anything like that. We just gotta ban every single thing we don't understand, yo.

Anonymous said...

I got caned by a crabby, nosy, chicken-necked buttinsky when I was six. She accused my friend Curtis and I of throwing tomatoes at her freshly painted garage door and then - WITHOUT DUE PROCESS - ignored our protestations of innocence and smacked us both silly.


And buttinsky types. These menaces to society should be speutered, refused insurance (lawsuits, you know), kept on leash and - of course - tightly muzzled at *all* times.

YesBiscuit! said...

Gee I wonder why anyone would want to throw tomatoes at her garage, she sounds so lovely...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Caveat said...

Give me the address and I'll throw tomatoes at her garage! Oh, new people live there now?

Tough, somebody who looked like them was out of order in the past so they must be punished for it too.

That's how ass-bannin' works.

Why isn't YesBiscuit getting mad about my overuse of 'ass'? Why doesn't she ban mine?

YesBiscuit! said...

Oh Selma, I love your overused ass. Plus I could never ban someone who overuses bone-o-meter.